In.The.Black

LoL. I thought the title would play out as ironic… I remember being a little child and having to write a 1 or 2 page paper (wide-ruled, double-spaced) about “What Christmas Means to Me.” How proudly I told my teachers about the crafts we made out of construction paper- snowmen, little nativity scenes, a fat and jolly Santa. I was almost frantic at the thought of making a gingerbread man and decorating his sweet crunchy body with icings. Most of all, I enjoyed the craft lesson right before Christmas where we got to make something really cool for mom and dad.

 This little girl grew up; I was a teenager, and Christmas activities became frantic chores rather than an enjoyable time of the year. I’m not sure if it was because I was an over-worked pastor’s kid, or just because of my private nature- I did not like all of the extra “stuff” that surrounded the observance of Christmas.

Through some creative prevarication, I stayed home BY MYSELF this Christmas. When I told other people of my plans, they looked at me with pity, some with curiosity, and others with outright disdain. “How selfish of you!” some chastised. How utterly ridiculous. In my mind, the holidays is the time to do what makes you happy. If one year, the thing that makes you happiest in the world is to sit alone and watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer over and over and drink a full bottle of Arbor Mist, then that’s what you should do (not giving you any clues as to how I spent my holiday. LoL). Now, I’m no fool- I understand that you should enjoy and cherish your parents while you still have them, and I plan taking the drive and spending the long New Year’s vacation with my mom. I also understand that some of you have children. Then, there are those of you who give of yourselves until the very last is gone… but that’s not me- not anymore. 2009 is the Year of Kamia. I will take care of me. I have some emotional, mental, spiritual, and (definite) physical healing to do. 2008 was the Year of Obligation. I was a good Daughter, a good Girlfriend, a good Employee. The only person I wasn’t good to was -  well  -  ME. I bore too much burden, made too many silly decisions, endured too much emotional abuse, and gained too much weight because of it all. While the trials and tribulations come to make us stronger, I didn’t sign up to be a body-builder! I have learned much in the year 2008, but those lessons are past and I have mastered much of what the lessons were supposed to teach. In 2008, there was much pain… pain that brought about beauty in me that I’ve never known before. I defined who I am as a person, who I would never allow myself to be, and who I wanted around me to help me achieve those goals.

Please, to every man, woman, boy, and girl reading this passage… 2009 may prove to be a very difficult year, and for more reasons that the economy. The obvious is easy to deal with- the economy sucks so make a budget and be really nice to your family if you have to move back in. LoL. It’s the other things that are difficult to deal with- learning how to live for yourself, learning how to set boundaries and standards, learning to love yourself, learning how to surround yourself with people who have your best interest at heart. Please, everyone, take care of yourselves in 2009. I really do hope we can enjoy it together as mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and (somewhat) physicaly healthy people.

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